Excuses, Excuses...

Lynndie England was apparently deprived of oxygen at birth. As a result, her neurons, rods and cones were apparently so out of line that she wasn't thinking rationally when she listened to her Army buddies and force Iraqi POWs into humilating behavior, and then posr for pictures with a big shit-eating grin on her face and a Marlboro hanging out of her piehole.

Ohhhkayyyy.

Jennifer Wilbanks disappears off the face of the earth and into thin air. A massive nationwide (wo)manhunt ensues, costing hundreds of thousands of dollars in overtime for police, and dominating the cable news channels for a week before she finally turns up in Albuquerque. All this because she got cold feet about getting married. Legal experts are split on whether or not she should be prosecuted for her actions...with one pundit saying that "she was completely oblivious to what was going on." Come on buddy, don't you think a pretty attractive 32-year old who goes up missing doesn't know about the stir she's gonna create?

Ohhhkayyyy.

Twinkies reliever Juan Rincon plays dumb, saying he'd never knowingly ingested any performance-enhancing substances that could jeopardize his career of fanning way too many White Sox. He's a professional athlete, for Christ's sake. He's got a highly-trained staff to consult before he goes popping cold medicine or getting shots in his ass...but apparently he didn't do it.

I've made my share of excuses in life...and the truth has always caught up with me, and I've had to face crappy consequences as a result. I've learned plenty of filthy lessons the hard way. Here's hoping that Lynndie, Jennifer and Juan learn as well.