Homeland Insecurity
Went to Florida this weekend for a couple days to visit the old man and see how quickly I could burn my upper epedermal layers off.
I got to O'Hare Field early Saturday, wearing the same shorts I'd had on Friday night while I was sitting on the deck herfing my Friday night cigar and listening to the Sox. I had a lighter in the pocket.
Lo and behold, I cleared security at ORD without a problem. Lighter didn't even send the metal detector off. Seeing as that we had a 3-hour layover in Pittsburgh (some people call it the Burgh, but I call it the Pitts), I decided I'd walk outside the checkpoint and see if I could make it through again with my incendiary device. Sure enough, I did.
Yesterday, I lost my license at the beach. I have an older copy of my license (one of about 3 or 4 that I've had to get over the years due to the endless lost-and-found that is my existence) which I have stuffed in my wallet for nostalgiac purposes since I was much thinner in the picture. It expired on my birthday back in May. While going through the checkpoint at Tampa International (which is a very nice airport), I handed 2 security guards and a TSA guy the aforementioned license, and no one even batted an eyelash. Keep in mind that I tried to buy beer at Wrigley Field the week after my birthday before I renewed my license and got shot down for having an expired ID.
Oh yeah, and just for fun I stuck the lighter in my pocket when I got out of the car at the airport. It's still in my pocket now.
Went to Florida this weekend for a couple days to visit the old man and see how quickly I could burn my upper epedermal layers off.
I got to O'Hare Field early Saturday, wearing the same shorts I'd had on Friday night while I was sitting on the deck herfing my Friday night cigar and listening to the Sox. I had a lighter in the pocket.
Lo and behold, I cleared security at ORD without a problem. Lighter didn't even send the metal detector off. Seeing as that we had a 3-hour layover in Pittsburgh (some people call it the Burgh, but I call it the Pitts), I decided I'd walk outside the checkpoint and see if I could make it through again with my incendiary device. Sure enough, I did.
Yesterday, I lost my license at the beach. I have an older copy of my license (one of about 3 or 4 that I've had to get over the years due to the endless lost-and-found that is my existence) which I have stuffed in my wallet for nostalgiac purposes since I was much thinner in the picture. It expired on my birthday back in May. While going through the checkpoint at Tampa International (which is a very nice airport), I handed 2 security guards and a TSA guy the aforementioned license, and no one even batted an eyelash. Keep in mind that I tried to buy beer at Wrigley Field the week after my birthday before I renewed my license and got shot down for having an expired ID.
Oh yeah, and just for fun I stuck the lighter in my pocket when I got out of the car at the airport. It's still in my pocket now.
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