Open Letter Wednesday: Special Edition

To Whomever Broke Into Our Loft Today,

Real fucking cool of you.

Really nice of you to jimmy my door open and leave some nice pry marks on it.

Really nice of you to steal my laptop. Hope you enjoy it.

Really nice of you to steal BOTH our digital cameras. I hope you enjoy the pictures from my best friend's kid's first birthday that I hadn't offloaded yet. The Better Half is glad you took her brand new thousand dollar camera too, and it was extra nice of you to take the lenses that went with it. Lord knows they were cumbersome.

Really nice of you to steal both my watches. And my Tiffany cufflinks that she got me for our first Christmas together.

Really nice of you to steal her jewelry too, especially the stuff she got from her grandmother who died last month.

Oh, and it was extra nice that you stuffed all your newly-found loot into The Better Half's Tumi carry-on. Not like she hadn't traveled all over the world with it.

So thanks a lot. I hope you sleep well tonight.

Warmest Regards,

Ilk