It's Open Letter Tuesday!

Dear Androgynous Eurotrash Couple At Clark And Lake Thursday Night,

It's a CTA stop, not a perfume commerical. So there's absolutely no reason for the 2 of you to stand 10 feet from each other, text each other on your cellphones and then smile and giggle knowingly much to the annoyance of your fellow commuters.

Warm Regards,
Ilk


Dear Magglio Ordonez,

You're not playing in Cheek-ago any more. So stop thinking you are. No one gives a crap about your whining anymore. You're a Tiger now, time for you to see what 70 wins a year feels like.

Sox Pride,
Ilk

Dear Mike Barz,

Sammy's gone. Stop talking incessantly about him on the news every morning. You're gonna have to find a new ass to lick going forward. Maybe you should ask him in September what 70 wins a year feels like.

Oh yeah, and I hope your beloved Hoosiers win it all...in the NIT! On the other hand, I do envy you since you get to sit next to Robin Baumgarten in the morning.

Best Wishes,
Ilk

Dear Girls Who Swim In the UIC Pool,

Please don't swim in bikinis. It makes it really hard for me to concentrate on my laps. And it makes it even harder for me to stand up in the shallow end.

Cheers,
Ilk