Blog Day

Apparently, today is BlogDay. I'm supposed to recommend 5 blogs to the thundering hordes, um...I mean 2 or 3 people a day who visit this site. So here goes:

Pearly Gates. A pretty irreverent look at the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim along with interesting political insight. Love the retro skin the guys recently put on there.

Capitol Fax. Sort of a Wonkette for the Illinois politico set. Gotta like the fact that author Rich Miller is a fellow White Sox fan.

The Bench Jockey. Lifelong Cardinals fan and baseball scholar Mark Stratton weighs in with historical nuggets and insights into the great American game.

South Side Sox. (formerly the Cheat's ChiSox Blog) Stats and sass about the Pale Hose from a fella who goes by The Cheat...who typically rolls out of bed at about 3 in the afternoon.

Blog Maverick. Mark Cuban shares his views on just about everything.

Cosmic Karmic Alignment, Or Coincidence?

As of last Saturday, August 28th, the non-compete agreement I was bound to as part of my terms of leaving my old company expired.

Today I found out that my role at SuperMegaDerivativesBrokerage, Inc is going to transition into a sales and account management role, something I'd expressed interest in for a while.

I've still got a Rolodex full of clients I enjoyed working with at the old shop. It's time to start making some phone calls.

Game on!

Draft Day!

Armed with oodles and oodles of depth charts and player rankings, a legal pad and 2 tallboys of Bud, the owner of the New York Fairies is ready to participate in his tenth season of fantasy football.

Draft results will be up later...

UPDATE: Draft went off at 5:36, ended at 7:42. 10 teams, 16 rounds. I drew the 8th pick, which wasn't bad at all thanks to the snake format. Our league uses the standard fantasy scoring format, but for some inexplicable reason starts 2 QBs each week.

First round went like this:

P. Manning
Tomlinson
Alexander
Holmes
R. Moss
James
McNabb
McGahee
McAllister
Culpepper

The New York Fairies drafted, in order:

Willis McGahee, RB Buffalo
Trent Green, QB, Kansas City
Mike Vick, QB, Atlanta
Chris Brown, RB, Tennessee
Michael Clayton, WR, Tampa Bay
Ashley Lelie, WR, Denver
Warrick Dunn, RB, Atlanta
Dallas Clark, TE, Indianapolis
Eddie Kennison, WR, Kansas City
Keyshawn Johnson, WR, Dallas
Denver DEF
Eric Johnson, TE, San Francisco
Patrick Ramsey, QB, Washington
Sebastian Janikowski, K, Oakland
Tampa Bay DEF

Notes: There was a serious run on defenses late, and I took Denver as somewhat of a flyer. Keyshawn has been on a Ilk-run fantasy team for 8 of the 9 years I've been playing.
Dunn will probably be a week-on-week flex player.
I didn't get to draft Jeff Wilkins, much to my chagrin.

Chicago White Sox Weekly Rewind: Week 21

Record For Week: 4-2. Record For Season: 79-48. First place by 8 games, AL Central.

The Good: All of a sudden, this team can hit again. Best of all, they can hit when the chips are down as evidenced with Friday night's 12-inning marathon. Greatest American Hero Brian Anderson belts 2 jacks on Friday. Dye and Everett decide to be hot for at least a few games. One of the best defensive plays by any team all season goes on display Saturday when the Dye-Iguchi-Pierzynski triumvirate mows down Ichiro at the plate. Hermanson nails down 3 games in a row. Bobby Jenks gets his first major league save. Timo Perez earns the Mr. Clutch moniker yet again. Buehrle and Garland post solid starts and snap their personal losing streaks. Freddy Garcia throws a one-hitter.

The Bad: Freddy Garcia loses said one-hitter and then follows up with his worst outing of the season next time around. When he's not hitting in a clutch situation, Timo Perez pretty much sucks. Jenks struggles a bit Saturday with the pressure on in Seattle Saturday.

Ahead: At Texas, 8/29-8/31. Vs. Detroit, 9/1-9/3.

Thoughts: Texas is a vastly different team from when we last faced them (and got whipped by them) in May. Hopefully with Podsednik back in the lineup tonight, our smartball mojo will be in full effect.

Friday Randoms

-The Better Half's grandmother passed away suddenly yesterday at 88 years old. Wow. I've lost 3 grandparents in the past 3 years...none of which have made it to 80. But 7 out of my 8 my great-grandparents lived past 85. Go figure.

-Today marks the one year anniversary of my departure from my old employer. I miss the people, but not the product. Then again, most of the people I miss from there have left as well. The group that I worked in once had 11 people in it, and at one point was down to 4 before going back up to 7. Only 1 guy that was there when I left is still in the group.

-Tonight marks the first Bears home preseason game of the season. There's just something that's not right about watching football in a Hawaiian shirt and short unless you're at the Pro Bowl.

Good Eye!

(Stuff I Usually Think Of, But Didn't Today)

[12:23] russell: change one letter and punto becomes pinto
[12:23] russell: if he bats after lew ford you get
[12:23] russell: FORD
[12:23] russell: PINTO

Bag O' Gags!

DSC00541
Originally uploaded by thelankyrighthander.

Your humble correspondent partakes in a game of Cornhole (which some more PC folks call Cornholio in an effort to get rid of the nasty connotations ) before the White Sox-Yankees game on Saturday.

Known also as Bags or Soft Toss, this game has its humble roots in the cornfields of Iowa and is the one of the favorite pre-game activities of White Sox fans in between jokes about gay Cub fans and swilling large quantities of Miller Genuine Draft.

For Love Of The Game

The pay is peanuts and it's basically just data entry under a fairly large amount of pressure...but this right here is the job I'd kill to have.

Chicago White Sox Weekly Rewind, Week 20

Record For Week: 1-6. Record For Season: 75-46. First Place by 8 1/2 games, AL Central.

The Good: Hey! At least we didn't lose 8 in a row. Sox prove that they're a fastball hitting team with their 4th inning longball clinic off Randy Johnson yesterday.

The Bad: Where should I begin? Pitching's been brutal on the part of anyone not named Joe Contreras. Dye's back to his April-May form. Konerko's back is bugging him. While I'm excited as hell about uber-prospect Brian Anderson, I don't think he's quite ready for prime time yet.

Ahead: At Minnesota, 8/23-8/25. At Seattle, 8/26-8/28.

Yes this is short. Busy day!

Whoa.


Actual photo of gas pump at Marathon on Jefferson Street when I filled up the Civic yesterday. I can't imagine what folks in their Explorers and Escalades are seeing on the little pump window right now.

Stuff I've Done This Weekend

Friday night I got to meet Don Mattingly, my all time boyhood hero. He questioned the fact that I had a poster of him on the back of my door, telling me I should have had one of Farah Fawcett on there instead.

Saturday, erm, morning, I got to drink one of these:

...and one (well, a few) of these:


Blatz ain't that bad of a brew. It beats out the other beers in its price bracket by a country mile with its strong and consistent taste. No acidic finish like a Pibber, no gross foamyness like Busch Light.

Hamm's on the other hand...well, lets just say that while it may come from the land of sky blue water, it tastes more like it comes from New Jersey's finest waste dump.

Fun Facts!

With the dog days of summer in full swing, the White Sox suckage in full effect, and my head full of work-related nonsense...there's really not much for me to blog about lately. So here's five fun facts courtesy of The Economist's World In Figures 2005 Edition that are sure to amaze your friends and enchance your pick-up skills at parties.

-Belgium has the highest quantity of color TVs per 100 households, at 99.6.

-Taiwan has the highest number of mobile phones per 100 residents, at 106.2. So if you take 100 Taiwanese at random, chances are 6 of them are probably cheating on their significant other.

-The US has produced the most Nobel Peace Prize winners, with 17. So all those supposed peace loving Frenchies and Germans can shove that up their asses.

-There are 6,302 shipping/cruise vessels registered to Panama, but only 5 with Panamanian ownership. Gotta love banana republics!

-Lebanon has the highest rate of car ownership...especially impressive given the fact that car bombing used to be all the rage there.

Uncle Jerry's Family Feedbag

In a decision they are sure to regret amost as much as the White Flag Trade in 1997, the Chicago White Sox at some point between mid-May and now have eliminated the super-popular $10 Fill Your Plate special on the Club Level. A sawbuck used to get you one crack through the buffet line where you could pile your plate high with rib tips, fried chicken and corn on the cob.

In an obvious attempt to save money for high-priced acquisitions like Geoff Blum and appear more family-oriented, they've replaced the Fill Your Plate cart with a sundae bar.

Chicago White Sox Weekly Rewind: Week 19

Record For Week: 2-3. Record For Season: 74-41, First Place, 12 1/2 Games, AL Central.

The Good: Fueled by studly pitching out of a couple Cuban Yankees-In-Exile and bolstered by stellar defense from Aaron Rowand (who damned well better get at least 25 votes out of the Bronx for a Gold Glove this year), the Hose take 2 or 3 from the Yankees in the Bronx. Hermanson pitches through increasing back pain to nail 2 saves in a row with the game on the line. Offense wakes up in time for the games in Fenway as the meat of the lineup belt doubles and dingers all over the place.

The Bad: Fueled by shitty pitching from the supposed aces of the rotation, the Sox give up double-digit hit totals Friday and Saturday, and late comeback efforts fall short. Since the all star break, it's been nothing but trouble for Buehrle and Garland. Hopefully it's all mental. Yesterday's rainout with the Sox ahead was a huge bummer--one has to wonder if the Red Sox were leading and had men on if the umps would have been so eager to pull the tarp. We finally know why Scott Podsednik's lost a step--a sore groin. Never a good thing.

Ahead: vs Minnesota, 8/15-8/17, vs New York, 8/19-8/12.

Thoughts: The series this week against the Twinks was supposed to be the make-or-break series for both teams this season. Instead, it's just another game for the cruising Sox. Yankees will be thirsty for revenge after last week. Put Pods on the DL and let him heal...I'm dying to see Jerry Owens.

Dispatches From The Front, Sunday Night Baseball Edition

From CubFanPaul:

Matt Morris looks like Bruce Sutter.

Look left. Agree/Disagree. I personally think ol'Paulie needs to drop the pipe in a hurry.

Deja Vu All Over Again, Ad Nauseum

About a month ago, I started getting excited for football season.

Baseball's always been my first love, but there are few pleasures as sublime as wasting away on the couch sucking down bloodies as the chili simmers on the stove on a Sunday afternoon...or better yet, hopping the Soldier Field Express bus 8 times a year at about 9 am and heading over to the parking lot for skirt steak, Italian beef and shots of bad brandy in between tossing the ol'rock around before heading into the stadium, plopping my fat ass down in the middle upper reaches of the north end zone and hearing the roar of 50,000 orange and blue clad fanatics screaming their lungs out for 3 hours as the snow flutters down.

I was especially psyched for the Bears upcoming season. First round pick Cedric Benson in the backfield, newly acquired Muhsin Muhammad lining up in the slot, a healthy secondary, a healthy URRRR-lacher (which kinda rhymes with linebacker) and Rex Grossman under center looking for his big breakout season.

Well, now King Rex is out for the year with a broken ankle, Benson's enlisted another agent as his holdout for QB-type money continues well into the preseason, Urlacher's got a paternity suit on his mind...and our starting QB is either going to be a failed Cardinals closer or the poor man's Drew Brees.

Grumble grumble.

No Beer For Oil!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 12, 2005
Contact Josh Deth, Handlebar 773-991-0742

Soaring Gas Price Good News for Beer Drinkers

Chicago Pub Slashes Pint Prices Inverse to Gas Increases

Whether youre a motorist looking to drown your sorrows or a cyclist
celebrating the rising cost of gas, a Chicago bar is introducing a
promotion that will make everyone thirst for higher gas prices. The
Handlebar, a bicycle themed bar and restaurant in Wicker Park is
lowering beer prices as gas prices soar above $3 a gallon at the
pump.

"The beer pump is and forever will be affordable to hard working
Americans," declared Handlebar co-owner Josh Deth. "The European
Community has managed to maintain reasonable beer prices through
times of high gas prices and we should too."

According to www.chicagogasprices.com, the BP station down the street
from Handlebar is now selling gas at $2.99 a gallon. Once gas hits $3
a gallon, pints of Goose Island 312 Urban Wheat Ale will be
discounted to $3 from their normal price of $3.75. As gas prices
continue to climb, beer price will continue to fall according what
will be called the "Inverse Petrol-O-Matic Beer Pricing Scheme." For
example,
$3/gallon gas = $3 pints
$4/gallon gas = $2 pints
$5/gallon gas = $1 pints
$6/gallon gas = free pints

In addition to saving its customers money on beer, Handlebar also
promotes alternative to driving such as bicycling, walking and public
transit. The restaurant has private bike parking in its back yard and
supports several bicycling advocacy organizations such as the
Chicagoland Bicycle Federation.

Life Lesson #257

Even if she's only like 5'2" and probably weighs 95 lbs soaking wet, she's gonna be able to swill more vodka than you because she's Russian.

I Before E, But How Many Keys Over Is It?

Working in the software business for the past few years, I've become rather well-informed when it comes to stuff that's supremely geeky.

But this just may take the cake. It's got style (something many a geek lacks) and gives off an air of I'm-better-than-you-are to the non-geeky folks that work in the office. It's a surefire conversation starter.

It's also sure to frustrate the piss out of someone with a short fuse like me.

To Market, To Market!

The giant derivatives brokerageuberconglomerate who pays me in peanuts and shredded newspapers every 2 weeks goes public tomorrow bright and early for 22 bucks a share.

If I played my cards right and everyone does indeed want a piece of our vast institutional client base and stellar reputation on the street, tomorrow's my last day of work.

Not bloody likely.

Return Of The Bad Humor Truck

[17:31] aaron: sara and i are curlign up in front of TCM
[17:31] ilk: what's on tonight?
[17:31] aaron: ing
[17:31] aaron: a Fritz Lang espionage noir from 1944
[17:32] aaron: based on a graham greene novel
[17:32] ilk: i have always wanted to try curling, but couldn't get my floor to freeze enough
[17:32] aaron: booooo
[17:32] ilk: MERCY
[17:32] aaron: jeeze you're ready to join marko and my Bad Joke Club
[17:32] ilk: sign me up
[17:32] aaron: you know what the founding joke was right?
[17:32] ilk: no
[17:32] aaron: i think i told you
[17:32] ilk: what was it?
[17:32] aaron: When Marko, Tina and I were eating at Chez Joel
[17:32] aaron: for Marko's birthday
[17:33] aaron: we were eating our entrees
[17:33] aaron: and were a bit tipsy
[17:33] aaron: and Marko said "I love capers" (his entree had capers in it)
[17:33] aaron: and then after like a 7 second pause
[17:33] aaron: "No, I mean like heists and stuff"

Creepy Crawly Heebie Jeebies!

As if insurgents hellbent on destruction, whiny hippies at home and an incompetent Secretary Of Defense aren't enough in the way of adversity aren't enough for our men and women over in Iraq to deal with, check these monstrous and disgusting creatures out.

Chicago White Sox Weekly Rewind: Week 18

Record For Week: 4-3. Record For Season: 72-38, First Place, 13 Games, AL Central.

The Good: AJ Pierzynski and Paul Konerko have decided singlehandedly to pick this team up and carry them on their backs into October. Perhaps the best example off team chemistry comes in last Monday's game in Baltimore when Buehrle plunks Surhoff after the Iguchi/Pierzynski plunkings. Ozzie's not afraid to show his displeasure with the umps. Garland rebounds from a bitchslapping on Wednesday with an awesome outing Sunday. Rowand re-earns the "Crash" sobriquet with his wall-banging game-saver. Dustin Hermanson gets the ball 3times in 4 days to close, and does not disappoint.

The Bad: Everett's got a strained groin. Groin injuries can always be nagging, as Crazy Carl found out a couple years ago with Montreal. Podsednik is not setting the table at all. Had we lost 2 out of 3 to Seattle, I'd go on a long-winded rant about why the damned team can't win at home in front of a full park...but mercifully, you're spared.

Ahead: vs New York 8/8-8/10, vs Boston, 8/12-8/14.

Thoughts: At this point, this could prove to be the biggest road trip the Sox take all season. Even if we go 0-6 there's no damage really done in the standings...but the 'hose have got to prove that they can play in front of big hostile crowds if they have any chance of going anywhere in October.

Good Stuff

Freakonomics. Inner-city crack gangs really do have a corporate ladder. Having a swimming pool in your backyard makes you the envy of all your neighbors, but it also sets you up as a prime target for wrongful death lawsuits. If your name is Kayla, Stephanie or Billy, chances are your parents are less-educated than if your name is Ascher, Katharine, or Dov. Highly recommended summer reading that takes the dismalness out of the dismal science.

The New Pornographers. Infectuous, and dare I say even slightly danceable, I got my grubby paws on an advance copy of their new album last week and it's been getting tons of airtime on the iPod ever since.

Chicago weather today. Low 80s, not humid and sunny with some high cirrus clouds. Why can't every day be like this?

Here Comes The Bad Humor Truck!

From the office today:

Exchange between me and my buddy Greg, a trader on 13 I've known for years:

Greg: Nice sunburn. Where the hell did you go?
Ilk: Florida.
Greg: Wait a minute! I thought that if you went to Key West, you'd only be sunburned on your back.

Josh the boss: "Know how O'Hare got its name? Some guy was walking through the prairie where it is now and saw a rabbit. He yelled 'Oh! Hare!' and it just kinda stuck."

A Shout Out...

...to my Guy for Governor, Steve Rauschenberger.

I voted for Steve in his ill-fated attempt to bump off Jack(!)ass Ryan in the US Senate Primary in 2004, and I'll vote for him again next March.

He's a ex-furniture store manager from humble roots, not a pampered plutocrat investment banker or a xenophobic xillionaire. His working man's roots appeal to all of Illinois and provide the best hope we've got for knocking off Governor Helmethead next November.

Go Steve Go!

Chicago White Sox Weekly Rewind (Expigated Version): Week 17

Record For Week: 4-2. Record For Season: 68-35. 1st place, 15 games up, AL Central.

The Good: Taking 3 in a row in Baltimore thanks to awesome pitching from the Two-Headed Cuban monster. AJ Pierzynski is hitting everything in sight. Cub-sessed Sox fans can rejoice in the fact that Sammy Sosa struck out 6 times in the first 3 games of the series. Freddy Garcia twirls a gem on Sunday night baseball...an ESPN win is usually hard to come by.

The Bad: Buerhle pitches just rotten in the finale against the Royals, and that's only compounded by the lousy defense of Ozuna and Harris. Frank Thomas is out for the rest of the season, so we've got no one to wear pitchers down. (Yes, I don't like the guy and he wasn't hitting that well aside from his tape measure bombs, but he's still a 10 pitch per AB batter.) Shingo Takatsu gets waived and then released...but we'll always have 2004. GONG!

Ahead: 8/1 at Baltimore, 8/2-8/4 vs Toronto, 8/5-8/7 vs Seattle.

Thoughts: Kenny Williams did nothing to drastically overhaul the team ahead of the deadline, and that's not troubling me at all. There's no reason to give up a Rowand or Buehrle just for AJ Burnett. Geoff Blum can spell Crede and his aching back at 3rd, and is a defensive upgrade over Ozuna and Wee Willie.

Homeland Insecurity

Went to Florida this weekend for a couple days to visit the old man and see how quickly I could burn my upper epedermal layers off.

I got to O'Hare Field early Saturday, wearing the same shorts I'd had on Friday night while I was sitting on the deck herfing my Friday night cigar and listening to the Sox. I had a lighter in the pocket.

Lo and behold, I cleared security at ORD without a problem. Lighter didn't even send the metal detector off. Seeing as that we had a 3-hour layover in Pittsburgh (some people call it the Burgh, but I call it the Pitts), I decided I'd walk outside the checkpoint and see if I could make it through again with my incendiary device. Sure enough, I did.

Yesterday, I lost my license at the beach. I have an older copy of my license (one of about 3 or 4 that I've had to get over the years due to the endless lost-and-found that is my existence) which I have stuffed in my wallet for nostalgiac purposes since I was much thinner in the picture. It expired on my birthday back in May. While going through the checkpoint at Tampa International (which is a very nice airport), I handed 2 security guards and a TSA guy the aforementioned license, and no one even batted an eyelash. Keep in mind that I tried to buy beer at Wrigley Field the week after my birthday before I renewed my license and got shot down for having an expired ID.

Oh yeah, and just for fun I stuck the lighter in my pocket when I got out of the car at the airport. It's still in my pocket now.