Picks To Stick or Picks to Stink?

Alright, here goes my SECOND ATTEMPT at posting my electoral vote predictions for Tuesday. If I can't get Blogger to shit these out in a timely fashion, I'm giving up completely.

First of all, let's start with the givens.

The following states are pretty much certain to go Bush:

Alabama (9), Alaska (3), Arizona (10), Arkansas (6), Georgia (15), Idaho (4), Indiana (11), Kansas (6), Kentucky (8), Louisiana (9), Mississippi (6), Missouri (11), Montana (3), Nebraska (5), Nevada (5), New Mexico (5), North Carolina (15), North Dakota (3), Oklahoma (7), South Carolina (8), South Dakota (3), Tennessee (11), Texas (34), Utah (5), Virginia (13), Wyoming (3). This puts 208 EVs in the bank vault for Bush.

These states are squarely Kerry:

California (55), Connecticut (7), Delaware (3), The District (3), Illinois (21), Maine (4), Maryland (10), Massachusetts (12), New York (31), Oregon (7), Rhode Island (4), Vermont (3), and Washington (1). We can stick a total of 171 in the bank for Kerry right next to Theresa's leftover ketchup money.

So now we move on to the tossups. My predictions on these states are not so much based on current polling as they are on poll trends in recent days, moving averages, historical moving averages, reports from the field from the media and personal sources, and good old fashioned gut instincts.

We'll move east to west for the swing states.

New Hampshire: Folks living in the Granite State pride themselves on being independent free thinkers. After all, this is a state where Pat Buchanan once offed Bush 41 in a primary. But surrounded by solid blue in New England, and with Curt Schilling canceling his appearances with Bush there this weekend, NH will end up going Kerry. NH to Kerry for 4.

New Jersey: The Garbage, er, Garden State's most famous living sons are on the trail for Kerry. But that doesn't change the fact that a good chunk of Jersey is made up of the working folks who make up the backbone of big business in Manhattan. Like it or not, they still remember September of 2001 and they like Bush's tough talk. Kerry led here for quite a while, but Bush has all the momentum now. NJ to Bush for 15.

Pennsylvania: Probably the toughest state of all to call. Gore won there in 2000 thanks to the big union vote in the western half, but me thinks the bluebloods in the Eastern half will be turning out heavy as well. This doesn't bode well for Bush, so PA goes Kerry for 21.

West Virginia: Historically Democratic, yes. But with a heavy reliance on big stinky coal as part of its economy and a lot of doctors running scared due to malpractice suits, WV goes to Bush for 5.

Ohio: The second-most crucial state for Bush in 2000, he really needs this one if he wants to pad his lead. Unfortunately for him, I don't think he's gonna get it. Watch out for the youth vote from the snotty liberal arts schools, and give OH to Kerry for 20.

Florida: Every election observer is going to be focused on the Sunshine State like a hawk. Every Bubba in the panhandle's gonna make darn tootin' sure they get out and vote for Bush. Florida to Bush for 27, and Ilk puts his ass on the line and says he wins it by at least 4 percent.

Michigan: Went hard for Gore in 2000, and yes, it has a big blighted urban area just crawling with Democrats. Outside of Detroit, there's plenty of tony suburbs and a lot of right-wing nut jobs in the interior of the state. Michigan goes Bush this time around for 17.

Wisconsin: How can a state whose largest city once elected a Socialst mayor and whose capital is often referred to as "Little Moscow" possibly be in play? That alone is a testament to the ass-busting the GOP has done up there. Yes, I saw plenty of Bush signs on I-94 a few weeks ago, but the problem is they were in the middle of nowhere. Wisconsin to Kerry for 10.

Minnesota: Ghost of Paul Wellstone comes back to haunt nice sensible Episcopalians like K's parents. 10 more to Kerry.

Iowa: Tom Harkin always fires up the farmers for the DEmocratic nominee and this year is going to be no exception. Iowa for 7 to Kerry.

Colorado: Cowboys square off against trustafarian brats from CSU and CU. My guess is the trustafarians stop playing with their hacky sacks and put down the bong long enough to vote. It's all about helpin' people, man. Colorado to Kerry for 9.

Hawaii: Bush has a tiny lead, but this is a state that went Gore by like 20% for years ago. Moral victory for Bush, but Kerry picks up 4 more eeevees.

So outta the swingers, Bush picks up 64 and Kerry gets 95. Final tally: Bush 271-266. Ummmm...sound familiar?

ARRRGHHHHHHH!!!

I had my election predictions post ready to go, and Blogger ate it.

I'm so frustrated I could scream right now.

I'll try doing it again later I guess. Sigh.

Boo!

Here's some truly tasteless liberal-oriented Halloweenie costumes that still made me laugh. Enjoy. (Thanks Wonkette)

Played some doubles last night, on what turned out to be an absolutelyl perfect night for tennis even tough the leaf-strewn court made the ball skid around a lot. I hadn't played doubles in 11 years, but think that since I'm now old and fat (and volley really well) that I may be better suited to it than runing ragged all over the couty playing singles. Dinner at the Wild Goose afterwards, where I had one of the best plates of $2.00 nachos ever, combined with one of the most pathetic Reubens I've ever eaten.

Locks of the week, solo para entertainamiento:

San Fransisco +1 1/2 Chicago
Carolina +8 Seattle

I'll be back later on today with the state-by-state rundown for the election.

Saddest day of the year yesterday...the last day of baseball until March of 2005. But congrats to that gloriously pesky bunch of idiots known as the Red Sox. I don't like 'em and didn't root for 'em, but they showed up to play, and play they did.

I was talking with aaron last night about the Series, and he asked me if I thought the Cards getting swept was the biggest choke of the season. I don't think they choked at all, they just didn't even let themselves get in it. To me, choking implies that you are on the verge of victory (see also: 2004 New York Yankees, 2003 Chicago Cubs, 1991 Buffalo Bills and Gore, Albert Jr) and then blow it.

Other than that, not much to report. Tennis tonight--I have been saying every Thursday for about a month that "this is absolutely positively going to be the last nice Thursday of the year and will be my last week of tennis" but somehow the sun keeps coming out at the end of the week. I'm not complaining.

I think tomorrow will be my state-by-state electoral picks, we'll see if I have any better luck with them than with the locks off the week.

Further proof, my dear friends, that there's nothing in the world dumber than a Chicago Cubs fan. Unreal.

I did have an odd Red Sox related dream last night. My sister's friend Stephanie was dating Nomar Garciaparra, and he was hanging out on my couch. I think that was brought on by the fact Fox showed him at the game last night.

Speaking of which, I now freely admit I was wrong. No way in hell the Cards win this thing. Pitching's been mediocre at best, and where the hell is Scott Rolen?

I cannot believe I am admitting this...

...but with a lousy Monday night football matchup (perpetually-underachieving- since-the-John-Elway-days-Denver squaring off against Cincinnatti--a team whose name I can't spell and along with Arizona and New Orleans, a team I often forget exists), I sat on the couch for 3 hours last night and watched back-to-back-to-back-to-back episodes of "Desperate Housewives." Not only that, but I am absolutely hooked. It's trashy and girly (you know that because they show ads for Stayfree, Fisher-Price and Oil Of Olay during it), but it's roped me in every bit as bad as the Sopranos does when it's on every 2 years. I forgot how hot Terri Hatcher is.

Oh yeah, and I'm making some lemon chicken with snow pea pods recipie later this week, and ran to Dominick's to get the goods for it last night. One of the ingredients is good ol'Maruchan Ramen noodles, staple of my college diet along with Rolling Rock. Back in 1993, they were readily available at Tops Friendly Markets at the low low price of 10 for a buck. When I bought 3 packages today, they were 3 for a dollar. Times are a changin.

From the looks of this picture, not every gomer is voting for Bush.

Much like the Presidential candidates, I made a quick jaunt down to the Sunshine State this weekend (Actually, Dad and I saw W's helicopter fly over while we were putting out on 13 Saturday afternoon. We waved).

Hillsborough County looks like it's solid in the red for Bush. The only Kerry sings I saw were in the lower class 'hoods surrounding Raymond James stadium and on some guy's car with Massachusetts plates at the butcher shop. They actually just opened this Cape-Cod like meat and fish market right by Dad's house called Land and Sea which is really cool, but I'll be damned if I can find the website for it. We picked up some bacon-wrapped filets Saturday that came out sensational.

The Bucs-Bears game was a lot of fun, in spite of the Bears' massive suckitude. Bucs fans seem to be the football equivalent of Cardinals fans, in that they politely applaud every play that the Bucs make, even if they're getting hit for a loss. Our seats were really high up, but on the aisle, and we had a great view of the entire field. Quite a few other Bears fans there. Quinn looked to be his usual wretched self, and Krenzel showed some potential in engineering their lone TD drive, but the O-line just melted down as the game wore on and left him pretty damned vulnerable.

They sell "Big Buc Beers" at the stadium--$7.50 for 32 oz of Coors Light. I drank 3 of them (hey, it was hot) and spent most of the car ride home with my teeth floating.

UPDATE: In sad news, I just found out that Abby Fisher, who I clerked for in 1995 at the CBOT passed away after a long battle with cancer. She was always one of my favorite people in the world, and a great mentor for someone who at the time was just getting his feet wet in the markets. The last time I saw her was in Field's on State Street in the fall of 2001...she looked at me and was like "My God, you're all grown up."

Thanks Abby.

Baseball As America....

Although part of me secretly wanted to see the Astros knock off St. Louis just so we could have a Texas-Massachusetts matchup in both the World Series and the election. But oh well.

Still, the St. Louis v. Boston matchup still provides plenty of metaphors. Think of Boston as the Democrats. They claim to be the team/party of the people, but they still spend exorbitant amounts of money and have a fan base consisting mostly of the Boston Brahmin elites...the only folks who can afford their exorbitant ticket prices. They go on and on about being cursed, and I'm sure if it was possible, they would have dragged Aaron Boone to court after game 7 of last year's ALCS.

The Cards are like the Republicans, revered all through Middle America as a hardworking bunch who kick ass when needed. They don't whine, they win. If they lose, they suck it up, reload, and move on.

Cards in 6.

After tennis, went to what might be one of the most mundane bars I've ever been to last night, Gannon's Pub on Lincoln Avenue. What kind of bar doesn't have a Thursday night food special or waitress service on a busy night?

Now on to the locks. 1-1 last week, 7-5 on the season. FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY:

Kansas City -4 Atlanta

Seattle -7 Arizona

I'll be catching the Bears-Bucs game in person. Catch y'all on the flipside.

In about the 8th inning of last night's Sox-Yankees tilt, Fox brought up a graphic showing the "Greatest Upsets In Sports History."

The list included the following shockers:

Sonny Liston beats Floyd Patterson in 1962 (personally, I think they shoulda used Douglas beats Tyson, but oh well)
USA Hockey beats the USSR in Lake Placid
1969's "Amazin Mets"
Villanova beats Georgetown in the 1984 NCAAs

..and a couple that I can't recall off the top of my head.

But then they have the audacity to add the Red Sox knocking off the Yankees in the 2004 ALCS. This may have been one of the greatest comebacks in sports history (right up there with the Bills knocking off Waren Moon's Oilers back in 1992), but it's hardly an upset.

The Boston Red Sox are NOT underdogs. Yes, the Yankees' total payroll is 182 million, but guess who's in second? Boston, at 125 million. With the exception of home runs, Boston led the AL in every offensive stat during the 2004 regular season. SIDE NOTE: Believe it or not, my beloved Pale Hose tied the Yankees for the long ball lead this past year with 242. Boston ends up 4th. Still, the top 2 HR hitters in thr AL both play for Boston. These same guys (Ramirez and Ortiz) also finished 2nd and 3rd in RBI. Johnny Damon led the league in runs scored. By all accounts, the teams were pretty evenly matched. In fact, even baseball writers not named Gammons were actually picking the Red Sox to win the pennant. So how they did it is indeed very surprising, and shows a ton of heart and guts but the fact they did it should come as no shock at all.

Last night I spent 6 hours trying to figure out how to burn DVDs from downloaded TV shows. I finally did it. Yay!

Important Safety Tip...

For those of you that have tried it (and there's one that already has and one that's going to), I had to make a change to the giambotta recipe. What you se in the post below is now corrected. DO NOT add the wine right away or you end up with soup.

That's it folks, the election's all over!

Other than that, not much to talk about today. When I left the house this morning the sheriff was evicting someone on the second floor (man are they efficent with hauling stuff out), which is surprising as hell to see in an all condo building.

There is now officially no reason for me to read the Chicago Tribune magazine again until 2006.

No baseball talk. Yankees need good luck and I'm not gonna jinx them.

I've just never understood everyone's fascination with Pedro Martinez. Sure, he's something like 100-6 in his past 5 seasons and has 3 Cy Youngs sitting on his mantle.

But when it comes to pitching in big games, he's pretty much a choke. 5 walks yesterday from a guy who is consistently near the top of the AL WHIP rankings every year, and 4 walks in the game before that? Last year he almost rips one of Don Zimmer's ears off, and this year he plunks Alex Rodriguez and Miguel Cairo in the same inning? The guy is clearly a headcase, and all the talent in the world isn't going to change that fact. He's definitely not Mr. October.

Watched pretty much the entire Red Sox-Yankees game yesterday, incidentally. Forget 6-hour miniseries about the Kennedys or women who torch their abusive husbands' beds, you could show this game over the course of 3 nights and it would make for riveting television.

Meanwhile, over in the NL, who knows what the hell is going on. Jeff Kent, he of the best porn-star mustache in baseball (sorry, Jeff Nelson) does a mean Carlos Beltran impression and hits a blast to knock off the Redbirds, who all of a sudden have their backs flat against the wall. Julian Tavarez even takes a page from Kevin Brown!

The Colorado Senate race continues to be interesting, with Pete Coors working his closing mojo. Supposedly, Kerry's supposed to be a closer...but with 2 weeks left, he's quite frankly running out of time.

By the way, I made my giambotta last night, and both of my guests asked for the recipe, Here it is:

2 lbs spicy Italian sausage
2 green bell peppers
2 red bell peppers
3 large baking potatoes
1 large yellow onion
1 cup white wine
1 tablespoon crushed garlic

Chop sausage into pieces. Skinning is optional, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Chop peppers into strips and then into 4 or 5 pieces. Dice onions. Take whole potatoes and parbake them, then chop into medium sized chunks.

Heat large pan over high heat (I actually use a wok) and toss in olive oil, garlic. Sautee for 2 minutes, add onions. Sautee onions until translucent, add peppers and sausage, cover and cook thoroughly for about 15 min. Uncover and add potatoes and wine (this is where it gets kinda soupy), stir them in throughly and let them soak up juices for about 5 more minutes. Enjoy!

I first started eating this when my great-grandmother made it back when I was a little kid.

In times like these, with the outcome of the election uncertain, it's very important to keep in mind that Republicans have better sex. So much for the prude, prim and proper stereotypes!

People always talk about the Chicago Bears and their long tradition of excellence. For the most part though, the tradition of excellence pretty much vanished in the late 1980s, and the tradition of quarterback suckitude began. Guys like Harbaugh, Burris and Willis got the rock for the Monsters Of The Midway and stank up ol' Soldier's Field to degrees never before thought possible. Now it looks like we can add Jonathan Quinn to the QB Dishonor Roll. Here's a guy who seems to only have one plan: drop straight back and throw at (but never to) Bobby Wade. Rinse. Repeat. Yuck. For a guy who is like 6'6" and should have no problem seeing the whole field over the offensive line, he sure does have a case of tunnel vision.

Today's burning question: What's the Red Sox obsession with pine tarring their helmets until the B is no longer? I'm sure most have noticed this strange habit before, but if not see here and here for examples. Are they ashamed of playing for such a cursed franchise with a choke-laden history? If that's the case, maybe the White Sox and Cubs could take a page from their playbook.

Rob and Renee flew in this weekend for Casino Swing, and a great time was had by all. I didn't get to bed until at least 3:30 either night and was one hurtin' scooter yesterday. One of Casino Swing's sponsors was Knob Creek...the stuff may taste good, but you feel it in the morning.

Oops!

This isn't quite as bad as flying the Canadian flag upside down, but still a pretty glaring goof on the part of MLB.

Busy day today, so here's the locks and I may be back with more later. I was 1-1 last week, moving to 6-4 on the year. FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

Green Bay +2 Detroit

Dallas -3 Pittsburgh

Good news on the economic front today. Now if only we could get those damned oil prices under control.

Not really sure who won the debate last night. CNN says it was Lurch in a landslide, while ABC says it was a draw.

I think Bush toned down the rhetoric a lot--not once did he call Lurch a flipflopper or use his "wrong war wrong place wrong time" line. Watching Kerry make that really lame Tony Soprano joke just twisted my spleen, and as someone of Italian descent I find it terribly unfortunate that a Presidential candidate has to use an unflattering stereotype of my people, ha ha ha....groan. I really wanted Bush to explain his Social Security privitization plan (of which I'm a big fan) in better detail, and I don't understand these health svaings accounts entierly. Are they supposed to be like the flex plans that most employers offer? Privately held? Held by the gubmint?

This debate was the most policy-sotten of the 3, a fact noted by just about every talking head last night. Of course, by the time the heads came on the screen, I'd already switched to FSN to watch the Yankees fight off the Carmines yet again. Truly, truly, los Yanquis es tu papa, Pedro.

OINK OINK: Who's got better gams? The Kerry haughty hotties? Or the Bush babes?

Are they letting the dumbasses who designed the butterfly ballot run the elections in Afghanistan?

Internet rumour says that Magglio Ordonez has enlisted Scott Boras as his agent. Now confirmed by Daily Herald. Looks like Tom Hicks can pay Maggs all he wants next year.

Tough decisions to make on the boob tube tonight. Yankees take on the Red Sox, Cards take on the Astros and Lurch takes on Dubya, all at the same time. It's too bad I have no clue how to use the picture in picture thing on my TV.

Jedwards, you're not that funny. Theresa Ketchup sounds like a good cook though.

Caught some of the highlights of the Keyes-Obama debate last night. Keyes had one really good bit about how Obama's war-on-terror policy amounted to "fighing off bayonets with a spaghetti noodle" but other than that, it didn't seem like anything too exciting.

Michael Jackson whines. No one cares. New York's second team is getting a network of their own. Maybe they should call it Mets Entertainment Sports Station, or MESS for short.

Tragedy Strikes Again!

Mein Komputer ist gestorben.

Mi computadora ist muerte.

That's right...my computer died this morning. I can't seem to get it beyond the initial boot page (black screen with big red COMPAQ in the middle) no matter what I do. Tried calling Compaq's tech support outfit in Bangalore only to find out that my warranty expired in March of 2003. Tried doing a system recovery only to have the screen continue to look at me blankly.

So tonight I'm gonna have to go buy a new one, and hope that the pictures, documents, tax returns and 12 GB of music can be salvaged off the old hard drive. I know nothing about this stuff...thank god for geeky friends!

You can't script October...

...but if you did, each scene, er, game, would be awful long. At 1:00 pm on Friday we decided to go up to Minneapolis for the Twins-Yankees game, spurred on by the fact that tickets were only $20, and we could stay at K's parents (more about that in a bit). So we loaded the dog (who needs lots of happy pills to keep him calm in the car) and the luggage into the little rice burner and took the 6.5 hour drive up to the Land O'Lakes.

Drive was pretty uneventful. Once nice thing to see is that there were Bush-Cheney signs EVERYWHERE in cheeseland. If Zogby were to poll the folks who live on 90/94, Bush would win in a landslide. I had never been west of Madison via car before this weekend...it's beautiful country up there, with foliage pretty comparable to what you see in upstate NY and even Vermont. Nowhere near as many hills though. The 65 MPH speed limit in Wisconsin is pretty lame though, and rumour has it that if you have a Land Of Lincoln tag, you're extra likely to get a ticket, but we made it through with me at the helm for most of it averaging about 80 MPH.

Got to Minneapolis at about 1, which gave us just enough time to eat, plop the dog off and drive to the oh-so-lovely Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. I've posted my thoughts on the Dome on WSI before, but here'sthe abridged version:

-The sections are too wide. The fans' asses are too wide.
-It's easier to get a stupid mini-Twins helmet full of ice cream than it is to get a beer.
-For some reason, there seems to be an inordinately large amount of "special" people who are Twins fans. Sat next to one of them, and she didn't smell pretty.
-The Twins switched from AstroTurf to FieldTurf before the start of the season this year. Now instead of looking like a giant spray-painted garage floor, the field now looks like a giant fake golf fairway with black dots spray painted on it,
-When you sit about 10 rows from the roof, you realize that it's pretty easy to lose a baseball in it. I thought it was just Carlos Lee's stupidity, but apparently Gary Sheffield finds it difficult too. It's pretty dark and dingy, something I hadn't noticed on previous trips since I was sitting much closer to the field.
-Much like Wrigley, they have troughs in the bathrooms. Only the prudish Minnesotans, apprently afraid to see another man's pecker, stand like 8 feet apart, making the lines extra slow.
-There's no attractions to enjoy whatsoever--no hall of fame, no fan deck, no historical displays. Zzzzzzzz.

Game was pretty interesting, but long as hell, noted the time on my scorecard as 4h14m. It was cool to see the Yankees use the long ball to get close and then play a little smallball to win. (who woulda thought ARod could steal?) Estaban Loaiza got some work in for the Yankees, and doesn't look to have improved any from his lousy season in pinstripes. The biggest downer to being where we were was that you had no idea if a ball was over the wall or not until you listened to the crowd reaction.

As we were heading to our seats, we saw Hank Aaron on the freight elevator getting ready to go down to his seats. I recognized him right away, but it didn't seem like anyone else knew who he was. Lots of Twins legends from the past in attendance--Hrbek, Molitor, Brunansky...but the luck didn't rub off.

After the game, went back to K's parents' house. Their house isn't small, but it seems really cramped. All the bedrooms upstairs are off one small hallway and you can hear just about everyting going on. They only have one bathroom upstairs, not attached to the master bedroom and the only working shower in the house (which is fine when it's just the 2 of them)...luckily they get up early.

I always have this morbid fear that I'm going to run into one of her parents when I take my customary 2 am walk to the bathroom...I think they are serious night owls. I've got this really odd phobia about them seeing me in my boxers, so I actually put my clothes back on to take the 3 step walk. There. I admit it. I am a FREAK!

K's old bedroom is exactly as it was when she was in high school, which is also a little odd. At least her parents got rid of the mushy twin beds that used to be in there.

Watched pigskin yesterday...caught the Vikes (BOO!) OT thriller and then watched Seattle giftwrap one for St. Louis in the late afternoon. Got up today at the asscrack of dawn and drove back here...due to construction on 94, we had to take some scenic country roads though Southern WI and McHenry County.

That's all for now. How's THAT for oversharing?

The Hill magazine brings you Capitol Hill's 50 Most Beautiful People. I'm all about Kelly McCorkle, Laura Blackman and that dreamy John Edwards.

Locks of the week for entertainment purposes only: (I was 2-0 last weekend, brings me to 5-3 on the season)

St Louis +7 Seattle

Jacksonville -3 San Diego

That's about all that's exciting today...

I noticed last night that Bristol Myers Squibb in addition to sponsoring Lance Armstrong's Tour Of Hope is also getting major airtime as a sponsor of the MLB playoffs. So I thought of an idea...

Pretty much every highlight replay during a baseball telecast is sponsored by somebody. The Sox for example, have the Dodge Drive Of The Game, the Giordano's Delivery Of The Game, the ATA Home Run Replay, etc. If the suits over at Fox had any brains at all, they'd hook up with BMS to present the "Bristol Myers Squibb Squibber Of The Game." That's right...the best little dribbler that slips through the infield and gets a guy over or gets him home would be immortalized. Give the winning player a year's supply of Lipitor or something. I was going to suggest an anti-impotence drug, but 1) it doesn't look like they make one and 2) there's the matter of that fat contract MLB already has with Viagra.

Watched the games at a place called Celtic Crown last night. Tennis game was cut short due to one of my strings snapping...just when I got into a groove. I'm going to head up to the store where I bought it, plead poor and see if they'll restring it for free.

News bits...

To the couple who was going at it in a stall in O'Callaghan's on Kinzie back in 1998 while I was taking a whizz, this story's for you. All I remember was that I heard the bathroom door swing open, saw a flash of long curly brown hair and a guy in a dress shirt fly by and then heard the shitter door slam. I left before any moaning started.

Is it me, or does Jedwards look more like Gov. Blago in this pic? Rumours were flying everywhere shortly after he won the governor's mansion over not Jack! not George not Nolan but JIM Ryan that he was a possible veep candidate, by the way.

News flash! Howard Stern switching to Sirius satellite radio. Honestly, I've never understood his appeal. I love dirty/scatalogical/offensive jokes as much as the next guy, and I really really like it when he has women get naked on his TV show so that he can rate them, but I just don't think he's that funny.

Lurch went to 'nam. Then he decided to run for President. But aside from marrying Theresa 57 Flavors, what did he do in between? According to this column from Bruce Bartlett that ran in the Moonie Paper, not a hell of a lot.

Can this Golden Boy save Chucky's miserable team?

Oh yeah, it's 75 degrees in Chicago today. Gonna play me some tennis tonight!

Last night I alternated between the Veep debate and the Twins-Yankees games. Neither were very exciting, and neither had outcomes that I liked.

John Edwards, with his dreamy eyes and perfect hair, is terribly smug. In fact, he almost ranks up there with Bush on the Smug-Monkey-O-Meter. He's got a lotta cockiness for a guy who has only been in the Senate for 4 years, but I guess that being a trial lawyer does that to you. Cheney looks like he's on death's door, but I suppose spending that much time hiding in an undisclosed location makes you pretty pale. He still sounds strong though. Bad eye contact. Still admire the man for his long career of public service and his business sense.

RIP Rodney....

...star of the greatest golf movie ever made.

He had a million of 'em


"I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, "There goes the neighborhood!" * * * "Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide.' He told me to pay in advance." * * * "One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh." * * * "Oh, last week was a rough week. I noticed my gums were shrinking. I was brushing my teeth with Preparation H." * * * "Oh, when I was a kid I was poor. We were so poor, when my father died, they asked my mother, 'Paper or plastic?' " * *** "My uncle's dying wish, he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair." * * * "I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel." * * * "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio." * * * "I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor, so they sent a priest to talk to me. He said, "On your mark. . ." * * * "My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday." * * * "I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the West." * * * "I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin." * * * "I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend." * * * "I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."

It's baseball Tuesday! Dodgers and Cardinals just underway, but I am really looking forward to watching the Yankees pummel the Twinkies tonight.

Other than that, not much going on at all. Took a huge ass box of books, clothes and 2 old cell phones to the Salvation Army and almost got killed coming out of there...I think they really need more 4 way stops in River North.

Almost Forgot....

Playoff Predictions:

ALDS: Yankees over Twinkies in 4
ALDS: Red Sox over Angels in 4
ALCS: Yankees over Red Sox in 6

NLDS: Dodgers over Cardinals in 4
NLDS: Astros over Braves in 4
NLCS: Dodgers over Astros in 5

WS: Yankees over Dodgers in 7.

Note, I don't see any of the division series going 5 games. All 4 teams that I have winning are just so front-loaded with pitching that they'll just shut their opponents down.

Newspaper Style...

News: Prez race now a dead heat as far as popular percentages. Clearly, Lurch scored a big one with his debating Thursday night. By the time Bush stopped making funny faces and doing that annoying lip-twitch, Kerry had nailed all his salient points. Vice Presdidential debate tomorrow night...this humble correspondent will be tuned to the playoffs.

Good to see not everyone in Hollywood is a flaming liberal. I knew about Ben Stein (he worked on Nixon's White House Staff along with Pat Buchanan), but the rest of these are somewhat of a surprise, especially Drew Carey.

Supremes say Do Not Call Is A-OK!

Obituaries: Janet Leigh, famous for the shower scene in "Psycho."

Rachel Pagano, not famous, but still my beloved grandmother. Both died at 77. It's kinda freaking me out that so far, neither of my grandparents who passed away has made it to 80.
No, I am not able to make it to Rochester for the funreal. Yes, my mother is pretty pissed at me. Hopefully, time heals all wounds.

Lifestyles: We had dinner at Cafe Matou Friday night with Rob and Holly...we ended up not doing the regatta in IN due to Holly's father being sick, and mught have been a blessing in disguise with grandma passing away Friday afternoon. After reading the reviews on Metromix, I gotta say I was very skeptical about the bang for the buck factor at this place, but I was simply blown away...everything was outstanding. I had the John Dory, which as it turns out is one ugly fish. Portions were very good sized, very unusual for an uppity restaraunt.

Got too much baseball junk? Wire shelving units from The Great Ace solve all your bobblehead and scorebook storage problems, and are very reasonably priced.

I've heard U2's new single about 40 times and haven't gotten sick of it yet. Reminds me of "Electric Co" (off of Under A Blood Red Sky) mixed with "Elevation."

Finished reading Dan Brown's _Deception Point_ last night, and stayed up until about 1 am in the process. Predictable ending, but still a white-knuckled thrill ride of a story. Every single one of his books seems to involve a hot single woman, a mysterious intellectual guy and a lot of chases full of implausible escapes. But hey, makes for good easy reading.

Sports: Bears are 1-3. Bills are 0-3. My Frickin' Sharks With Frickin' Lasers fantasy football team is 0-4.

Nice to see the Sox salvage some dignity and finish with a winning record.
5 White Sox who will hopefully be Sox no more: Garland, Crede, Schoeneweis, Valentin (pretty much a guarantee) and Harris.

Nice to see the Cubs pull off yet another classic choke job. Looks like Alou is definitely gone. In spite of his whining and bizarre habit of pissing on his hands, I always had a begruding respect for him. Is Sosa really going to the Mets?

My sister's ex-boyfriend scored his first NFL touchdown last night. Congrats, Joey! By the way, he's got one of the greatest last names a running back could want.

Forgot to mention that I did to to the Cubs game yesterday, and although Mark Prior was sensational, the curse of Ilk prevailed and the Cubs lost again. I did get to see a rather dubious honor:

Reds LF Adam Dunn set the major league record for SO in a season.

The new top 10--

STRIKEOUTS YEAR SO
1 Adam Dunn 2004 191
2 Bobby Bonds 1970 189
3 Jose Hernandez 2002 188
T4 Preston Wilson 2000 187
T4 Bobby Bonds 1969 187
6 Rob Deer 1987 186
T7 Jose Hernandez 2001 185
T7 Pete Incaviglia 1986 185
T7 Jim Thome 2001 185
T10 Cecil Fielder 1990 182
T10 Jim Thome 2003 182

And now, on to my "Locks Of The Week..."

Once again, I was a scratch last weekend, 1-1, pushing me to 3-3 on the season. After this week, I am going to start picking 3 games FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY:

Indianapolis -4 Jacksonville

Pittsburgh -4 1/2 Cincinnatti

Looks like Jack! has got a new honey. Good for him. Credit Wonkette,

No surprise here. But then again, he's not running for President of France.

Southside Mike, you have 90 seconds...

Southside Mike checks in with a eloquent and well-crafted response to my slightly over-the-top post about Lurch's winning last night. See below:

I just read your post on the debate, and there were some huge holes in

Kerry's positions, IMO.  First of all, Kerry said he accepted the

intellegence that the President had.  Which means he accepted the

whole WMD thing and threat to the world thing.  Now keeping that in

mind he chastised Bush for not accepting the recommendation to have

two additional divisions deployed over there, but on the other had

said he would not have committed 90% of troops and resources to Iraq.

So either he is saying that he would have sent a whole bunch more

troops over to Afganistan, or that the troops levels in Iraq are too

high.  Which is it?  He criticized Bush for spending $200 billion in

Iraq, (which could have gone to health care, school, prescription

drugs etc according to Kerry) but then went into detail about what

materials that our troops didn't have in Iraq.  So tell me how does he

plan to send two extra divisions into Iraq, more equiptment into Iraq,

but do it for cheaper than Bush is doing it?  Plus he wants to make

sure that more resources are committed to the real terror threat in

OBL.  Where is that money going to come from?  Just on a pure

mathematical basis, talking about adding 25% more troops should add at

least 25% more costs right?  Plus an add on for all of the extra stuff

that our troops don't have now, which means even without the new

equiptment for the exsisting troops we would have spent an extra $50

billion, above the $200 billion Bush has spent, in Iraq.  But $200

billion is too much?



The other part that really got to me was the NK nuclear references.

Who built the nuclear facilities in NK?  Hint it wasn't a Republican

President.  I have heard many leftists suggest that since Reagan is

the one who sold WMDs to Saddam during the Iran/Iraq war that somehow

the republicans were responsible for essentially giving a monkey a

gun.  So if Bill Clinton essentially gave NK nuclear capabilities,

aren't the democrats responsible for arming the monkey in this case?

Seems to me that would be the logical conclusion.



I definately think Kerry won the sound bit battle.  He did an

excellent job of getting his little snippets out there, which in the

21st century, is about the attention span he is catering too.  But

damn, if anyone actually puts together what he said, it can be

destroyed.  In his effort to be all things to all people, he really

said some stupid stuff.



I don't get it.