Relatively uneventful weekend, but boy is it strange to not waste Sunday afternoon on the couch watching football.

Went bowling at Fireside Bowl on Saturday night. If you want an old-school bowling joint, this is one of the few places left. Original plan was to go to Lincoln Square Lanes, but we got there and it was packed--no lanes open before 11, and this was just after 9.

I broke 100 all 3 games....104, 107 and 101. Aaron's girlfriend Sara struggled to break 80 the first 2 games, but then her Milwaukee bowling genes kicked in and she rolled a 140 in the last game, highest score anyone posted all night. The last time I bowled I was well over 130, so this must have been an off night. Then again, how many off nights can you have when you only go a few times a year?

One thing that bugged me--there were these little hipster kids at the lane next to us. You know the types...one of the guys was wearing a tight little red polo shirt and plaid pants on his scrawny frame, and the other guy had on a vintage Hawaiian shirt (yeah, it was pretty nice) and one of those rockabilly hats. They decided it would be fun to see how many balls they could cram into the ball return...and then take pictures of it. Yeah. Real winners indeed.

Had a messed up dream last night that Carson the Wonderdog was biting my foot and wouldn't let go, even after I whacked him with a clipboard a bunch of times. Strange days.

Took the day yesterday and went skiing up at Wilmot Mountain, which might be the only ski "resort" in America constructed on the site of a former landfill. Over the years, I've been pretty spoiled when it comes to skiing. There were a couple small but nice places near where I grew up in Rochester, and the Green Mountains of Vermont were only a few hours away...we'd head up there 3 or 4 times a year. I dated a gal for a while out here who later moved to Vail and worked as an instructor there, so I used to fly out there and ski for free now and then.

So skiing down a little hill on man-made snow isn't all that fun for me, but it was still a good time. I wanted to get some practice in before Tahoe next month, and I did.

After skiing was done, we headed over to the outlet mall in Kenosha. There's 3 places in the world where I can piss money away like water: Vegas, the Sox Garage Sale, and outlet malls. I was surprisingly well-behaved yesterday though--bought 2 shirts at Brooks Brothers for 60 bucks and a vest from Columbia for $20. Pretty proud of myself.

K on the other hand spent 16.99 on some spatulas at Le Creuset. Why we need more spatulas in this house (especially blue ones) is well beyond my comprehension. Oh well.

Went and saw "Sideways" last night. Absolutely brilliant. Unbelievably brilliant. Amazingly brilliant.

Oh yeah, and hysterical too. Lots of quotable lines in that movie. In a way, I can kid of identify (and identify with) both of the protagonists.

I typically go to about 3 movies a year. It's bitch expensive, crowded and there's no legroom. Glad I got out for this one.

Strange Sight...

Central	W	L	Pct	GB	Home	Road	Div	Conf	Streak	L10
Cleveland	24	16	.600	--	14-4	10-12	2-4	14-9	Lost 1	6-4
Detroit	23	18	.561	1.5	13-7	10-11	3-6	15-11	Lost 4	6-4
Chicago	21	19	.525	3.0	14-9	7-10	5-4	12-10	Won 4	9-1
Indiana	20	19	.513	3.5	10-8	10-11	4-4	14-9	Lost 1	4-6
Milwaukee	15	24	.385	8.5	10-8	5-16	6-2	12-12	Won 2	5-5

...but true.

Caught some of last night's game as I flipped back and forth between it and the Illinois-Wisconsin game, which might have been the most exciting game the Illini played all year. They throttled Gonzaga, pounded Wake Forest and choked Cincinnatti, but almost lost to the Bucky Badgers. Go figure.

Oooooeeeeoooo....please just go....

As a moderately knowledgeable Sox fan, one of the questions I get asked a lot is "What do you think of Magglio Ordonez?"

At the start of the 2004 campaign, the happy Venezuelan right fielder was one of the most underappreciated players in the game, and a virtual unknown outside of the AL Central. He played in the All-Star game in 2001 and cracked a dinger, but that night was vastly overshadowed by Cal Ripken's glorious moment. He was a last minute replacement for the 2003 AL All Stars and got to play in front of his hometown crowd, but flied out in his only at-bat. With the Sox rarely on national TV, Maggs busted his ass in relative obscurity for 6 years. He endeared himself to many a Sox fan with his sliding catches, clutch hits and hustle. And women just adored him because of his cute butt.

Then things started to go downhill. Hollywood Willie Harris forgot to call him off on a fly ball and collided with him, turning Magglio's knee into a swollen, edema-laden monstrosity. Maggs missed most of the season, and ended up flying off to Austria for some experimental surgery. Never a good sign.

Anyway, this year was the last year of Magglio's contract with the Pale Hose. This past fall, he enlisted the aid of Scott Boras, the universally reviled sports superagent who put enough of a Heimlich manuever on Rangers owner Tom Hicks to get him to cough up 250 million smackers for Alex Rodriguez in 2001. That's where things really got out of control. The Sox made Ordonez 3 different contract offers, and he shot them all down...all without allowing doctors to look at his knee. Talk about blind faith.

Boras ran around baseball's winter meetings with a glossy book all about Magglio that he gladly showed off to owners and GMs. Then Magglio did the unthinkable--he said he wouldn't mind playing for the Team Up North. To White Sox fans, that's the ultimate insult. Naturally, Cub fans' little blue hearts started to pitter patter pitter patter under their pink polo shirts with glee at the thought of snatching another right fielder away from their tattooed freak white trash neighbors to the south. That talk seems to have cooled down, and now the most likely scenario is that Magglio will end up a Detroit Tiger.

Exile on Woodward Street, indeed. Magglio says time and time again he wants to win. The Tigers won 43 games 2 years ago, and 72 games last year. Maggs doesn't want to win. Maggs just wants money. I always say greed is good, but I guess I make exceptions for baseball players.

On that note, have some Jenna!

Linky O'The Day

No trailer trash here!

Maybe today's post was going to be about football. Or maybe it was going to be about the BBC writing competition that I'm going to enter assuming I can shit out a 2000-word modernized telling of one of the Canterbury Tales before I head to Tahoe. Maybe it was going to be a rant about how U2 is playing here the weekend of my 30th birthday and I can only go to one of the shows since friends of ours are getting married that Saturday. (On a side note, I was doing my usual bellyaching about these poorly timed nuptuals last week and I told the better half that as a result of her being in this wedding that "I'm accumulating a lot of capital and I intend on spending it.")

But all of that will have to wait. Today's post is about Johnny Carson.

His passing yesterday really made me start to feel old. Reagan died last year. Sinatra's been gone for a few years. So has Mickey Mantle. All these icons from the past 2 generations before mine are dropping like flies...and I'm rueing the day when it catches up with mine.

I actually didn't start watching The Tonight Show until I was like a freshman in high school. I had a TV in my room and would often turn it on late at night in a futile attempt at rebellion before one of the Ps would knock at the door and tell me to go to sleep. And to think...most of the time I was watching Nightline. But yeah, when I was about 14 I started watching Carson, and I got a kick out of it....Dr. Joan Embry, Ed McMahon, Carnac The Magnificent. I always thought it would just be old time movie stars yapping about lunch in the Polo Room at the Beverly Hills Hotel, but ol'Johnny was actually a pretty hip dude. Doc Sevrensen had the best jackets, too.

I remember watching his last show, and yeah I cried a little bit when he bid us all a very heartfelt goodnight. I didn't see the show the night before where Bette Midler sang to him, though. He pretty much faded away after that...he'd pop up during NBC's Wimbledon coverage and that was about it.

But yeah, Johnny, I'll miss you.

Every time someone asks what my dog's name is I always tell them "Carson, like Johnny." Truth is, that was the name he had when we got him from Anti-Cruelty. But now I guess it means a little more.

RIP.

Oil Can: It's Not Just Foster's

One of my favorite ballplayers as a kid looks like he's trying to make a comeback in the Independent League. Hey, it worked for Rickey Henderson...why the hell not?

Let it snow let it snow let it snow! 

What To Say, What To Say...

Mehh. It's Friday, and there's absolutely nothing on tap this weekend. We were thinking about heading up to Wilmot to go skiing tomorrow, but the weather here is supposed to take a turn for the worse tonight with 8" of snow expected. I love snow, and I love driving in it (in fact, I'm a better winter driver than I am summer driver), but I don't want to risk life and limb putting up with all the damned flatlanders out here who have no idea how to handle the white stuf. So, in another twist of brutal irony...need snow to ski, we get snow, but can't ski. Pfft.

Football on Sunday. I'd love to see the Steelers knock off the Patriots. I was listening to Dan Patrick yesterday, he was getting bombarded with calls and emails from Steeler fans. Talk about an inferitority complex--they put White Sox fans to shame, and that's saying a lot.

I didn't know Bill Cowher was the longest tenured coach in the NFL. Seems like it was pretty recent that he was hired as their head coach...but holy

Give Me A Break...

The troglodytes at Focus On The Family have a new mission...get SpongeBob SquarePants out of the closet!

Sometimes I'm ashamed that I vote for Republicans when they align themselves with dipshits like this. Come on already. God, I hate religious freaks.

Big Day...

Today's a big day for someone I really admire. When he first took the reins at his current job, there were a lot of naysayers who thought he was incompetent. He's bilingual, but I'll be damned if I can understand anything he says. He's fiery, intense, and isn't afraid to speak his mind. His management style is "my way or the highway." He's surrounded himself with old cronies from days past.

He gets a bad rap in the press sometimes, and faces a lot of opposition from a "blue" faction to the north.

Happy 41st Birthday, Ozzie Guillen.

Mike Downey freely admits he hates pitchers, and even reiterates it in this column. But he points out that the facts can't be ignored--if Roger Clemens asks for 22 million bucks to pitch a baseball every 5 days, Roger Clemens deserves it.

Today's Gross-Out...

Can be found here.

I don't think I've ever drank water from the tap in an aircraft lavatory. Mainly because I can barely fit my hands under the faucet in the first place. But this has me wondering if they make their coffee with bottled/filtered water or not.

Then again, when I lived in Mexico City I used to drink water straight from the tap on a semi-regular basis with no ill effects. So who knows.

ESPN.com is doing a feature right now on the best ______s in baseball. Today they chose Derek Jeter as best baserunner. But what I enjoyed most was this quote from baseball sage Don Zimmer:

"As a third base coach,'' Zimmer said, "you tell the runner every time, 'anything in the air or on a line, get back here.' Well, how many times do you tell them, and what happens, they break for home on a line drive, and can't get back in time to tag up? You say 'what happened?' They say, 'I froze.' You freeze in Canada, not on the baseball field."

Burp. Ulp.

I've come to the conclusion that I have the willpower of a cherrystone clam.

At the beginning of the year, I set a goal (which I blogged about here ) about really cutting back on my booze intake. I was going to try to only drink IN MODERATION at Soxfest and on Super Bowl Sunday.

Well, Rob and Holly came over last Saturday and Rob and I killed a 12 of Amstel Light, and then hit the Maker's Mark. But I was good after that! Well, until last Thursday when I went to play poker at the Killer Bee's house, saw he had some Genny Cream Ale in his fridge and tossed back 4 of those. Probbaly shouldn't have, as I got my ass kicked.

Then Soxfest rolls around. Friday night, I decided that I'd grab a beer while BSing with a few of my fellow fans over a Polish and mustard. Then I grabbed another one and took it to the seminar I went to. Wow, after 2 beers Jon Garland sounds a lot more intelligent! After the seminar, a bunch of us headed down to the restaurant in the lower level. Boy, a martini sure sounds good! Gulp. Not wanting to get too out of control, I decided one martini was enough and switched to Ketel One and tonic. Three of those later, I stumbled upstairs to the Atrium bar, had a couple Miller Lites...before I know it, it's 1:30 am and I'm hammered. Yee haw!

I woke up Saturday feeling like death warmed over. I told myself I'd go easy on myself Saturday afternoon. And I did--until about 3:00 pm when Aaron starts tugging on my sleeve and making gulping noises as we walked past the beer guy. I figured one wouldn't hurt--hair of the dog, right? One didn't hurt.

Dinner rolled around. I ordered a nice big fat greasy bacon cheeseburger, which wasn't bad, especially considering I ate at Houlihan's. What goes good with burgers? Beer. So I had a Blue Moon (NOT a good choice when you're hung over) and then we headed upstairs to the bar.

The Atrium Bar of the Hyatt Regency Chicago is like most hotel bars...crowded and overpriced. Didn't help that there were a couple hundred Sox fans (myself included) hoping to catch a glimpse of their heroes knocking back shots. The best bargain at the so-called "Big Bar" is the 32 oz stein of swill for $10. They were out of Miller Lite (Sox fans love cheap beer), so I drank PIlsner Urquell instead. Four of them. Let's see: 4 beers at 32 ounces each equals 128 ounces total, which divided by 16 ounces in a pound equals 8. I DRANK THE WEIGHT OF A WOMAN'S BOWLING BALL IN BEER. HOLY SHIT.

So this morning, I weighed in at the gym bright and early. I gained 5.5 pounds from Friday. Wow.

Let's see, the Super Bowl is less than 2 weeks away. How am I gonna screw up my diet this time?

Why bother wearing a statement on your sleeve when you can wear it on your wrist?

It all started with Lance Armstrong's "Livestrong" bands. I'm the proud owner of one...as someone who has 2 cancer survivors and one cancer death in my family (plus a very dear friend who is a survivor) over the past 3 years it kinda makes sense. I rarely wear it though, because when I have it on I fidget with it endlessly

Now everyone's jumped on the craze. The White Sox were selling black "Sox Pride" bands at Soxfest this weekend, and they got snapped up like hotcakes. (I bought 5) They've even ended up on eBay. It also looks like the Team Up North has plans to sell bands of their own at their upcoming fan fiesta. Did you vote for Kerry? Sport a "Count Me Blue" band. As for me, I'm more likely to sport one of these.

So here's what I've decided. I'm going to list 3 of my extra Sox bracelets on eBay. Retail value is $2, plus I figure they'll cost 37 cents to ship. Assuming they fetch over $2 each, I'm going to keep half the proceeds for me, and donate the other half to White Sox Charities.

The greedy bastard that is Ilk gets to profit from getting in on the ground floor of this opportunity, and White Sox Charities get to profit from their (somewhat) clever idea.

Further proof the rich are different from you and I....

Caught a blurb in the Tribune over the weekend about how the buyers of Gov Ahhnold's old house in California are suing him and Mrs. Kennedy Shriver Schwarzenegger for the following reasons:

-There's mold growing in their basement screening room
-The indoor pool pipes are corroding
-The tennis court needs resurfacing

Apparently, the house was sold "as is," but they're suing anyway.

Guess this gives Gov. Ahhnold even more reason to push tort reform.

Check this out..smashing baby! My jumbo jet!

Aaron Rowand, the great white hope. He was even more pie-eyed than I was. 

Carl Everett. Didn't have any extra cigars. Sigh. 

Farmio and I, just before he started going off on that Kodak tangent. 

Goose Gossage, one of my all time heroes as a kid. Nice to see more players from the past show up for this. 

Willie Harris. Pimpin ain't easy, neither is base-stealin'. 

Me and Chairman Reinsdorf. Check out my gomer smile. If I were the Chairman, there weren't many other people at the fest whose hands I would have shook/shaken. 

Soxfest Rundown...

Not sure where to begin, or what to write. I'm absolutely terrible at writing narratives, so I guess I'll just do a "10 Things I Learned At Soxfest" post and then post my pictures underneath.

10. Ed Farmer was aBaltimore Oriole. Here's how I found that out when talking to him by the elevators Friday night:

Ilk: Farmio, any chance I could get a picture?
EF: Sure, come on over. (he takes my camera and hands it to some Sox lackey who was with him)
Ilk: Thanks, Ed.
EF: No problem. Is this a Kodak moment?
Ilk: Well technically Ed, it's a Sony moment I guess.
EF: Because you know, I played ball for a while in the city where Kodak is based.
Ilk: Really, Ed? I'm from Rochester.
EF: Ever spend any time at 500 Norton Street?
Ilk: Pretty much at least one or 2 nights a week every year as a kid. I didn't know you were an Oriole.
EF: You need to study your history better, son.

9. The pitcher AJ Pierzynski fears most is BJ Ryan from the Orioles. Says every time he faces him, he gets an urge to "run back to the locker room and cover my eyes."

8. Ozzie Guillen Jr. is to baseball what George P. Bush is to politics. He's got the lineage and the charm and smarts to go a lot of places in the game if that's what he wants to do.

7. Carl Everett has dropped about 20 lbs in the offseason. He told a reporter he was embarassed at how out of shape he got last year. He was in the bar both nights smoking a fat cigar and holding court with the ladies.

6. Much like how he tries to play baseball, Willie Harris tries to be a playa. I'd put his pimp batting average at somewhere around .185.

5. In one of their 50 bazillion attempts to boost attendance, the Sox are going to open their parking lots early in the morning for weeknight games. That way, ticketholders can park in the morning at the Cell and then zip up into downtown on the Red Line, and not have to battle rush hour traffic. Plus, they pay $16 to park all day instead of $16 at the park and $20 at a garage in the city.

4. Ozzie and Terry Bevington almost came to blows in the clubhouse a couple times in the mid-90s. Bevington liked to call his players out in the locker room with the media there, and Ozzie took umbrage to that, as he should have.

3. Cliff Politte, who might be one of the most little-talked about guys on the Sox, is an absolute riot. He had the crowd in stitches during his seminar on pitching Friday night.

2. Ross Gload met his wife at Cal State-Fullerton after she dated a bunch of his friends.

1. Magglio Ordonez is still in a knee brace and gimping around, and Frank Thomas won't be back until June. So there's one reason to rejoice, and one reason to worry.

After the 2000 season, Ozzie Guillen said that "Oncea juu playa een Tampa Bay, juu career issa pretty much ovahh."

According to Lee Sinins' Around The Majors report today, Robbie Alomar is close to a deal with the Jellyfish. Hopefully he doesn't end up back with the Sox on July 31st.

As is pretty much the case every year, I ended up with a glut of Soxfest tickets. Being the loyal and helpful Sox fan that I am, I posted on WSI seeing if any members of my virtual baseball community wanted them.

One kid replied. See exchange below. It's hysterical....

WSI Regular

Join Date: Jan 2005

Location: Lisle

Posts: 61

---

i might be intersested in the sunday tickets....i will need to work on the details...if i go i might only need 2 of them...

So I replied:

2 left, yours for the taking.

He comes back with:

could i get some details:
- how do i get them (at will call?)
-for sunday, right?
-any specific reason why you are giving them away
-anything else you know
-are they free?

i think ill probably take them

So I decide to answer his questions (my replies are in bold):

Originally Posted by whitesoxwilkes

[QUOTE=bhayes520]could i get some details:
- how do i get them (at will call?)

Will call or you can meet up with me at the hotel.

-for sunday, right?

2 for Sunday.

-any specific reason why you are giving them away

Got extras, I always end up with them.

-anything else you know

Sox rule, Cubs drool.

-are they free?

Yes.

i think ill probably take them

Great! I think. I'm helping this little feller out. But then he responds with this:

how can i get them at will call, as in...what name or whatever

i trust you, but i am only 17, and my mom is a little less trusting, would it maybe be possible to send them to me???

i dunno, i think she is crazy, but if you mailed them tommorow, they would get here sat., right?

i live in lisle, a western suburb, not to far...

i dont wanna mess you up if it would be easier to give them to someone else, so if you have other people, i guess i can buy them instead

im sure you can understand that mothers are sometimes a little overprotective maybe...

I'm pretty understanding about this, as I had the most overprotective mother in the world. So I reply:

PM me your address and I'll drop them in the mail first thing tomorrow.

I had an overprotective mother too, I know how you feel.

So my new friend comes back with this: (note the grammar btw, if mine were this bad when I was 17, I would have shot myself)

i am convince that this will work, yet the mother is still a little uncertain. i think she thinks you are some kind of mass murderer just because you use the internet. poor lady, she is a little misunderstanding...she said to talk to my father, who should be home around 920-930, so i will talk to him and immediately give you a reply once i am finsihed with him

thanks for your patience, and i hope this works out, i owe you big time if it does...

Yep, that interweb sure is a scary place, ain't it?

He wrote me a short time later to tell me he couldn't take them. Oh well, his loss...

Not Quite Meet The Fockers, But...

So it's pretty much set that on March 19th, K's parents and my Dad and stepmom are going to meet for the first time after over 3 years of us dating. Note: DO NOT READ ANYTHING INTO THIS. NO RINGS HAVE BEEN BOUGHT.

Her parents are spending like 8 weeks in Florida about 40 miles from where Dad lives, so I guess it makes sense that we all hook up at Dad's manse for a BBQ while we're down there on our annual Spring Training trip. I'm just nervous because they're so, um, well, different. Well, just my stepmom. My Dad's a pretty normal dude with one hell of a golf game. He used to be Mr. Brooks Brothers poster boy when I was growing up, but the stepmom's changed that, and now he dresses like Tony Soprano.

My stepmom is a great cook, and one of the most loving people you'll ever meet. But she also chain smokes, and is very touchy-feely. Quite a contrast from K's stiff upper lip Iowan/Minnesotan/Episcopalian parents. Stepmom has already offered to let them stay over at the house for the night (they have plenty of room) and I'm curious as to how they react.

We'll see...

MLB adopted a slightly tougher steroid policy. Now instead of a slap on the wrist, violators get a slap on the wrist with a ruler! I'm curious to see what ol'Scammin' Sammy looks like when he shows up at Spring Training this year, a week late for certain.

Spastic Plastic Planes!

Chicago-based Boeing (so dubbed because they have their HQ here, although all their R&D is done at this really cool facility right by the Seattle airport) is rolling out their 7E7 Dreamliner within the next few years to try and keep up with Airbus. It's made out of plastic...it's like a giant flying Vette!

Read all about it here.

I'm somewhat of a closeted aviation geek.

Band of the week that everyone else has probably already heard of?

The Constantines.

If The Strokes, The Sex Pistols and The Boss had a giant orgy that somehow produced a love child, this is what their music would sound like. Good stuff, I highly recommend it.

You know, being a homeowner can be fun sometimes. Being able to say "yeah, I (we) own my place" is pretty cool, especially when it's a bargain like ours in a super-inflated real estate market. But over the past 24 hours, I've discovered 2 things wrong with the Aerie:

1) There's a leak in the second bedroom...apparently there's a hole in the roof, and with all the snow melting off, water is just drip-drip-dripping into the corner. Had to move the guest bed and wedge a bucket back there.

2) My class A, king-of-the-world, yes-it's-true-that-I-kick-ass caulk job I did back in November is cracking. Grrr.

Oh yeah, and for the past 2 days, the snow meltoff on the roof of the building has been so intense that it sounds like it's pouring rain. It's a quaint noise to hear for a couple hours...but after 2 days, it truly is water torture.

Stone Pony?

Notably absent from this year's Soxfest lineup is TV colorman Darrin "Feisty" Jackson.

Given the Sox propensity for dropping minor surprises at Soxfest (Kenny Lofton signing, US Cellular naming rights deal), I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if there's an announcement that longtime Chubs color guy Steve Stone might be moving into the booth along with ol'Hawkeroo.

This rumour has been circulating on Sox message boards for a few weeks, we'll see if it comes to fruition.

It's a Western NY snowfall scorecard! Gooooooo Rochester!

Madness On Madison Returns?

I've never been a big NBA fan. The main reason for this is that I'm probably the most dreadful basketball player you'll ever see. When I was in high school, I would get routinely schooled by my sister (8 inches shorter and 2 years younger) on the court. It was pathetic.

But there was something about living in Chicago in the mid-to-late-1990s that kinda forced you into being one. The Bulls. Jordan. Pippen. Rodman. Kukoc. Longley. Buechler. Blount. Hell in 1996, they only lost ONE MORE GAME than da Bears, in spite of the fact they play 4.5 times as many. Unreal. It was pretty much a given that you better keep the third Monday in June open, because there was gonna be a big party in Grant Park, and everyone was invited.

Then Krause decided to screw Jordan over, Pippen decided it was time for a big payday out west and Rodman decided he just wasn't weird enough. The Bulls dynasty was finished. Calling the teams that followed "mediocre" was a compliment. "8th Place, Central Division" became a mantra for the struggling Baby Bulls. In 2001, they only WON 2 more games than the Bears did, in spite of playing 4.5 times as many. But hey! Every year they'd win the draft lottery and get a top pick like Elton Brand or Marcus Fizer, who would inevitably end up elsewhere. They went through coaches like a Baby Bull goes through diapers.

But it looks like at long last, the team is no longer downright crappy, but rather mediocre. They're just a couple games out of the last playoff spot in the Eastern Conference, and they've put together a couple of impressive win streaks. Hell, they've even had a couple wins that could almost be described as *shudder* blowouts.

Their marketing campaign this year has been "Through Thick and Thin." I'll freely admit that I've got no interest in following them through the thin parts, but now that things are starting to thicken, move over so I can find a spot on that bandwagon.

If only I stayed in Rochester and never went off to college, I could have kept my job bagging groceries...and bragged that I worked at the best employer in America!

The whole Randy Moss celebration yesterday just won't seem to go away. I had sportsblab radio on in the background for a bit, and that's all Dan Patrick was talking about.

Ilk's take: I can't stand Randy Moss. I think he's a punk, and I despise the fact that he has openly admitted in the past that he doesn't give 100% when he runs his routes. But yesterday's demonstration was hysterical. The Packer fans had been riding him all game, and he decided to have a little fun. Plus...apparently it's a tradition in Packerland to moon the opposing team's bus as it leaves Lambeau, so that must be what Moss meant when he said afterwards "The Packer fans know what I'm talking about." There was no reason for Joe Buck to get his panties in a bunch and say this is the most disgusting thing he's ever seen.

It's harmless fun. Moss didn't jump into the stands and beat the crap out of anybody.

Love, Love Is All Around....

Bubba and Dubya, like peas and carrots!

Apparently, MeatLoaf Moore's flight of fancy Farenheit 9/11 took top prize at the People's Choice Awards last night. We all know MeatLoaf loves to go on and on about how elections are rigged and fixed...and then the fat dumbass goes and an accepts an award from an awards show that relies on VOTING OVER THE INTERNET! What kinda joke is that?

Come on, I've voted in plenty of All-Star game balloting. I know how this shit works. The virtual ballot box just gets stuffed with people doing their best monkey impression clicking over and over again.

Once again, the great dance that is the NFL playoffs has begun, and I'm left dateless.

You see, the football fates have never been kind to me. The 2 teams that I pull for have had a combined total of 3 playoff appearances since the start of the 1998-1999 season. All 3 were spectacular losses...Buffalo got spanked by Miami in 1999, lost to Tennessee on a forward pass that the refs said wasn't in 2000, and da Bears were roundly thumped by the Eagles in the last game ever at Old Soldier Field.

So every January, I try to find a team to root for for a month so I can at least have a little fun during the playoffs. A couple years ago, I pulled for the Buccaneers, since my Dad lives in Tampa and has jumped on their bandwagon..and they went all the way. Last year, I pulled for Carolina and they made it all the way to the Big One, but fell victim to Adam Viniateri's ne'er-miss right foot.

This year, I decided I'd pull for Seattle. It's the most beautiful city in the country, my Mom lives there, they have a great stadium, rabid fans, cool throwback unis and their all-time leading reciever went on to be a Congressman. But alas, they fell victim to the Rams and their ping-pong offense, so by 7:00 I needed to find a new flavor of the week.

No worries though, there was always the Chargers! 13-3 in the regular season, coached by the legendary Marty Schottenheimer, and Doug Flutie's their backup QB. Surely they'd thump the lowly Jets, right? WRONG. Nate Keading pulled a Scott Norwood, Doug Brien pulled an Adam Vinatieri, game over, Chargers go home.

I like the Broncos and really have no feelings for the Colts (there's something about teams who pack up in the dead of night and move that's a little unsettling), but knew that the three-headed Manningharrisonjamesasaurus would prevail over Jake the Snake...and I was right.

As a Bears fan, I'm supposed to hate the Packers. But as I've said before, I really don't. I have nothing but respect for the little team that plays in the little stadium in the little town up where Jesus lost his snowshoes, and I really wanted to see them thump the pampered punkass Vikings on the frozen tundra of Lambeau. But Brett Favre threw picks, Ahman Green dropped balls, and that damned Randy Moss hobbled all over the field and send the Packers, well, packing.

So what's a football fan to do?

Let's see who's left:

Indy: Like I said, they don't do anything for me. They play in a dome, for starters. Yuck.

Minnesota: I live with a Vikings fan. Purple is not my color, and I look silly in a Helga hat. Also a dome team.

St. Louis: My sister's ex is their starting fullback. Isaac Bruce has been a mainstay on my fantasy football teams for the better part of a decade. Their offense runs on jet fuel. They finally got rid of Kurt Warner and his Susan Powter-wannabe wife. But they're somewhat of a geographic rival to the Bears, and they're another team that moved...leaving the second-largest city in the country without a football team. Plus, they too play in a dome.

New York: In a way, I can relate to them. Much like my White Sox, they share the city stage with another team that gets a lot more hype. Hell, they even PLAY in a stadium named for the other team. Joe Namath's guar-un-tee of a Super Bowl win was unprecendented. But they're the AFC East team directly responsible for keeping the Bills out of the playoffs, so no can do.

Atlanta: They play in Atlanta, and Michael Vick is their quarterback. That's all I really know about them...these birds fly way under the radar.

Philadelphia: They're kinda like the Atlanta Braves of football. Always in the playoffs, but they never go all the way. After 3 mini-disappointments this weekend with adopted teams, I don't need another one within the next couple weeks. I would like to see them thump the Vikes though.

New England: Please, whatever deity it is that I believe in, don't let the Pats win again. The collective national load-blowing over them winning last year combined with the Red Sox winning the World Series made me want to puke. What's the deal with a team named after a region, anyway? Why aren't they still the Boston Patriots? Why not call them the New England Patriots of Boston and Providence Plantations?

So I guess that leaves me with Pittsburgh. Nice working class town with a strong football tradition. Great history--Bradshaw, Harris and the Immaculate Reception, The Steel Curtain. This year an unheralded rookie QB from a snooty nerd school in Ohio comes along and marches them through the regular season. Plus, they play in a field named after a late, great Republican senator (who granted, made a questionable choice in who he married). My ex-girlfriend Lynne's father was a big fan of the Steelers...Sundays would often find him sitting in their frunchroom
swirling Carlo Rossi wine in a glass and grunting at the TV. He was a good guy, and I guess this year I'm pulling for his team.

So, um, go Steelers, I guess.

You Heard It Here First...

But then again, for an eternal optimist like me, hope always springs eternal. So I'll get it out of the way right now and say it...I'm excited about the White Sox this year. Signing AJ Pierzynski was a great move. Not only is he the first catcher we've had in years who actually picks up more than 25 RBI in a season, but he brings some serious attitude to the club. Not the Frank Thomas sulk and whine and pout type of attitude, but more of a "try and bowl me over and I'll kick your ass" attitude. That's what Ozzie was like as a player, and it's good he's surrounding himself with players like that, I tell you what.

Playing Mahjongg with Rob and Holly tomorrow night. I haven't the faintest clue how to play and I'm not exactly what you could call a quick learner when it comes to games, s0 we'll see what kind of an exercise in humiliation this becomes.

Riding the train up to the IU-NU game last night (sans iPod, a real rarity on the train) and I overheard snippets of the following conversation behind me:

"I've been working so hard this week. My skin is angry with me."

"You should have seen what I did with my eyes for John's party. I outlined them in black and then put this shimmery stuff all around them. And I made my hair stand up."

"All I've had to eat today is a mocha and an orange. Usually I get up at 3 am and pig out on Raisin Bran."

Two Lincoln Park Trixies chatting? Nope, 2 gay guys. Fascinating stuff.

Game was a good time. NU's fieldhouse is like a cross between an airplane hangar and a very large high school gym. The alums and high rollers get to sit in cushy purple velvet-backed chairs while the unwashed masses sit on bleachers. There were a LOT of Hoosier fans there, and boy do they get antsy when they don't get a call. Very similar to Red Sox or Packer fans.

It's a Winter Wonderland here today. Got about 10" of snow over the past 2 days, makes for a pain in the ass to get anywhere, but boy is it nice to look at!

When Science and Porn Collide...

Pretty funny stuff here.

This might be a blast, except for the fact that I can't wear my ugly loud Vegas shirts on my bike. Oh yeah, and I doubt I could keep up with the pack. But it's a good idea!

Louise Slaughter (D-Fairport) was my Congresswoman while I was growing up. For the 9 years I lived in her district, I don't remember her doing jack shit, except for getting more "soft money" than any other member of the House from NYS. I actually worked for her opponent in 1992 getting out the youth vote (he went on to become an NY Supreme Court Judge), but she still kicked his ass backed by the Dem money machine.

And wow! She actually popped up on the Congressional radar today:

Rep. Louise Slaughter, D-N.Y., looking across the House floor to the Republicans, said, "The lesson we have today is you have the power and you break the rules and you can change them."

Ilk hit the weights today at the crack of dawn for the first time since college.

Ilk used to lift religiously for baseball. Then Ilk stopped lifting heavy weights and started lifting oil cans. He turned into a soft and spongy girlyman.

Time for that to be reversed!

Seriously, felt great to lift again...forgot what a rush it provides. Here's hoping that I can always find time for it.

There's a lot of great mysteries that one ponders late at night when insomnia kicks in. Who built the pyramids? What happened to the settlers at Jamestown? Just what is the frequency, Kenneth? Now we can add: Why the hell did the Angels change their name?

They claim that it ensures economic viability. I think it's one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. Let's face it...there's always one team that people associate with a city. Unfortunately in Chicago's case, it sure as hell ain't the Sox.

Although...it's 30.4 miles from LA to Anaheim. It's 35.4 miles from DC to Baltimore. Maybe Peter Angelos should just shut his yap and name his team the Washington Orioles of Baltimore. Call 'em the BWOs for short.

Are You Suggesting Coconuts Migrate?

The first holiday weekend of 2005 was a fun one, and like all holiday weekends, it blew by way too fast. Friday ended up being a very low-key affair...I made a pork roast (wrap the meat in bacon, rub it with olive oil, Lawry's seasoned salt, basil and oregano and it's damned good), K made her famous au gratin potatoes and green beans, and we just sat around and watched the "South Park" marathon on Comedy Central, flipping over to Channel 7 in time for the CST countdown and then right back over to South Park. Also played Scrabble...and in a shocking upset, K beat me by 2 points. Wow.

Saw Spam-A-Lot on Saturday. Nearly pissed myself on multiple occasions. You can just tell by the looks on the actors' faces that they know they have a winner on their hands....I'm guessing it ends up pretty big on Broadway. (Note: For someone who very rarely goes to the theatre, I can now brag that I have seen both "The Producers" and "Spam-A-Lot" before they shipped off to the Great White Way)

Had a good dinner at the Grill Room prior. Not outstanding, but definitely good.

Also caught some of the bowls Saturday. I really don't pay much attention to one particluar game when there's that many on, but the Iowa-LSU finish was just amazing. And I really hope the Bears go after Braylon Edwards.

Speaking of da Bears, went to my last Bears game of the season yesterday. Losing sucks, and losing to the Packers' second string sucks even more, although not as much as the Bills losing to the Steelers' 3rd string. Chad Hutchinson got sacked 9 times, but I swear to God, it seemed more like 20. It sure felt like it merited some sort of dubious record, but apparently it wasn't even close.

At least there was some damned good Italian Beef at the tailgate. OH yeah, and Old Style!

Which leads me to my final thought of this overly longass post. As part of my weight loss plan, I'm gonna see how long ol'Ilk can lay off the sauce. My goal is to not have a drink until Spring Traning, but I really don't see that happening.

A more realistic prediction is that I end up drinking at our poker party, Soxfest and in Tahoe but that's it. We all know how I am with predictions, so....

Good finish to the season, boys. But not good enough. : (